I've avoided the debates until now because I saw them as little more than exercises in media manipulation. This time, I wanted to watch the Republican debate just to hear the other candidates respond to Ron Paul. Unfortunately, I had a scheduling conflict so I asked a kid to take notes for me. As the debate began, I drew a quick seating chart of the candidates to help the kid keep track of who said what and then ran off. BTW - this is not snark. This is a straight rendition from a 9 year old. The only changes I made were for spelling errors (except the names).
It must have been more difficult thant I thought to keep track of all the new names. That's the only reason I can think of to explain why this reporter devised their own naming strategy to keep track of the candidates. Aside from that, it seems they got all the high points.
Follow me below the fold for the 9-years old rendition of a fight between Sarge, Wrinkles, Bunny Ears, Oily, Beagle Eyes and Carrot Face...
They are rude
Interrupt alot!
Beagle Eyes
Arrogant foreign policy
We need 400,000 troops
Don't let politicians get involved
Leave it to military with blood on their boots.
Carrot Face
President policy good
War good
Patriot Act good
Electric snooping good
Capturing Saddam mistake
Surge mistake
Clinton peace dividend bad
We need more troops
We need more ships
Wrinkles
Constitution has 10 Amendments
Immigration is bad
Secure border from immigration
Sarge
Bush right
America is safe
America is not safe
America is safe
Rumsfeld failure
Petraeus is good
Strategy was bad
Now it is good
Sarge is confusing
Bunny Ears
We are bullies
Policemen
If not listening we bomb them.
If listening we give them money.
Oily, Wrinkles and Carrot Face are making fun of Bunny Ears.
Carrot Face
Olympics got attacked
Fight. Fight. Interrupt. Fight.
<u>New topic</u>
Healthcare best in the world.
War funds for health care
10% inflation
Inflation needs to be under control
Oily
They don't need Hillery care?
Bunny Ears
People go to India for heart surgery
airplane + hotel + surgery = 50% of cost in America.
People don't have health insurance.
Wrinkles is making fun of Bunny Ears again.
Wrinkles and Oily fighting about man dates.
Oily says man dates are ok sometimes.
Wrinkles doesn't like dating men.
Fight.Fight.
<u>Back to health</u>
Beagle Eyes
Get everyone insured!
We have disease care.
Affordability is good.
$1,000 for Kleenex in a hospital (no way!)
Incentives to keep cost down.
The power of the pharmaceutical companies.
<u>New Topic</u>
Unattributed
Republican elephant hate democrats
Temporary work program.
Secure borders
Beagle Eyes
We are all God's children
Carrot face
12,000,000 illegal immigrants
Juliani was a mayor.
Sarge
John Micane never supported amnesty
Charge $5,000 to stay
attack ads
Wrinkles
Immigrants should not be rewarded
Fight.Fight. Interrupt. Fight
Oily
Do not sent 12,000,000
Ronald Reagan on some commercial.
Wrinkles
New York is a Sanctuary City
Send people to the end of the line to live there.
Beagle Eyes
They can deport themselves.
Bunny Ears
Get rid of income tax
oil costs $100 per barrel.
Inflation bad.
dollar down
gold up
oil up
Oily, Sarge, Wrinkles and Carrot Face making fun of Bunny Ears.
Beagle Eyes is listening to Bunny Ears.
Sarge
We need wind, solar, nuclear
Reduce green house gases
Reduce gas emissions
Reduce our demand
Oily
More about amnesty
Legal immigration good
<u>New Topic</u>
Sarge
Obama doesn't have the background to lead.
No candidate likes Obama.
Republicans don't think he'll be a good president.
Obama gonna win.
----------------
Here is a list in case you haven't already figured out which nickname refers to which candidate:
McCain = Sarge
Thompson = Wrinkles
Paul = Bunny Ears
Romney = Oily
Huckabee = Beagle Eyes
Giuliani = Carrot Face
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